So at the beginning of this visit My Sister gifted to me nearly 100 pictures of me as a baby & other pictures of Our Family that I want to look at in the bathroom — so the light won’t wake up my nieces & nephews since it is 12:38AM in Arizona currently — but I’m afraid I’ll begin balling my eyes out leading to My Sister & friends coming home to a home of sleeping children & an 18 year old balling his eyes out in the bathroom at old baby pictures.
Also She gifted to me my *original* birth certificate ^__^
I’ve a tick of mine where if I’m baby sitting — like I’m doing to my nieces & nephews currently — I don’t/can’t fall asleep until the parent/guardian is back home
Such as right now — My Sister, Her husband, & friends went out to dinner & are at a bar right now partying while I’m at Her house because they couldn’t find an 18+ bar & She is sneaking me into a bar at all
I don’t know why but, I feel at tad angry about this too
(To my followers who know me in real life &/or on FB: DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE & NO ONE REBLOG THIS)
So, ugghh, long story short I’ve read a number of articles & news reports on Adoption & Adoptee related info & it turns out Genetic Sexual Attraction is a very real disorder & it turns out that is what I’ve been suffering(?…) for the past year or so. This is what my recent post titled “Ugh…..” was about — GSA.
Emotionally & mentally at times I don’t feel healthy, at all, I hate it. Others have experienced this; I figure I’ll reach out to them to, if I can find any. I’ve talked about this to a few friends & will bring this up with my Priest when I am back in Colorado.
Anyways the ‘focus’ of my GSA is My Sister.
Please, if any of you know anything about this tell me or talk to me, please. & pray for me.
I want to be over this. I feel disgusting, like my skin is always crawling & at times I don’t feel comfortable in my head & heart at all.
So I always thought things like GSA was just an idea you non-adopted came up with to mock, piss on, & creep out us Adopted
It turns out GSA is an actual, very real thing
The stories of it are very relatable to what I’m experiencing currently
I feel like a creep, though — I feel dirty, guilty, as a pervert, a bit of an outcast, wrong & bad & sore, horrible & violently ashamed of my thoughts & emotions, it is all how I feel
I don’t like my skin, I don’t like my flesh nor my emotions nor my thoughts I get when I am around Her
I would never do *that* to Her nor would She ever come on to me but I still feel that way
& Vlad — I know he tells me that, psychologically & morally speaking I should not feel this way since this all is being caused by lack of development, not immoral perversion
But the lack of development my body has is leading to immoral thoughts & emotions & I understand that is how GSA works but still I don’t like it at all I feel so uncomfortable once I am out of one of my “moods” I get in every & then
Everyone — please pray for me
Hey! So — since I’m visiting My Sister & her family the next 1.5 weeks, I won’t be on here much. But — once I’m home I’ll say all that happened here!! ^___^ Please don’t reblog any pictures I share from this Trip.